As I lie in my bed not asking to be anywhere else... Under the warm covers that bury my face. Your face comes into my mind. I try and get it to leave. Down to the in existence away from here. Anywhere but with me. I briefly think of a different topic but you are still wandering in the back of my mind. You will not escape. I ask you to leave but you will park down and hold your ground. I doze off with your smile locked deep within my soul. Dreaming of the most beautiful times. The times where we were together laughing and dreaming the day away together. We gaze into each others eyes... The loud buzzer sounds and awakes me from my peaceful doze. I putz around knowing that now is when reality sets in. I will face you and pretend that in the very pit of my soul you are not there. I will pretend that the little things you say to me don't affect me even the slightest. I will pretend that I want to be there with you in those long awkward hallways. When deep down the only place I want to be is back under those warm covers... Putting aside all of my worries of the day and thinking about one and only one thing.

the four walls surrounding me slowly closing in
As I'm sitting in my lifeless room
lying in my big comfy bed where I've been all weekend
A war going on on my stomach
A tsunami in my head
Two eyes wishing and wanting to get up and do something
But one body too exhausted to move

The cries she lets out every night when his big hand, the one that she trusts comes down and hits her with great force. She hates it she hates it all. She is scared and can't even go to her closest friends. If she would tell them, their instict would be to tell her to leave him. The truth is she can't because she loves him. The bottom of her heart screams out his name and waits to see him everyday. She stares into his eyes and sometimes forgets what he really does to her. The harm he causes. When she stares into his eyes and looks at his innocent smile she sees a whole different side. The side of him that sings her to sleep or makes her dinner. The side she loves. How did it get to the point where she can't even leave him even after he does this to her. Love = hate, beauty, and tears. All three can happen but when does it get to the point you should escape from love. Probably when you can't even communicate to your closest friends about what is on your mind or what is going on. Love hurts sometimes so bad you need to get out of it for a while.

I'm lost in the middle of the ocean. You say it's best for me to be out here alone. But the truth is I'm drowning. I need your aid someone to send out their life boat and come out and save me. As every day passes without you, I'm getting pulled deeper and deeper into the insanity. Your falsification dragging me to the bottom. Begging and pleading for help but no one can hear me.
Even if the current pulls me all the way and I hit rock bottom I will sit tight and wait for you. Just for you. The crashing waves hitting the shore. As I'm waiting for the waves to take me with them. Trying to get up to the warm shore where I can be tickled pink with your presence. Where my smile can shine as bright as the rays of that golden sun, just like they used to.

One boy lost in the crowd. Swerving in and out of every corner. Into various girl's hearts. not realizing the difference he is making on their lives. As he gives her that smile it makes her day and then she figures out it was all a mistake. He was perplexed with various other lives and friends and relationships. The girls that give him a chance not realizing the ride they are in for. Up and down in that same crowd he sends those girls. The ones that line up for him and he doesn't even realize. The tears and troubles that were wasted. The smiles and joys that were for nothing. All of the girls in that same crowd taking a look at reality and begin to think it is not all his fault. The girls knew the ride they were in for and would ride it again anytime they could get the chance. But why... ? Why may I ask. Because we are girls... we say we hate something when we absolutely love it. We say we wish he wasn't there but we would not know what to do without him. We run into various boys hearts not even for a reason sometimes, just because we want someone there. We are complicated.

10 smiles that were brought upon that little girl's face
9 nights where she stayed up thinking about him
8 memories that will be remembered for a very long time
7 fights that blew her away but yet she couldn't leave him
6 times where she could have taken the chance... but didn't.
5 people that didn't know this even happened
4 friends that were there through it all
3 words that could have made it work, or could have thrown it all away.
2 people confused and separated
1 boy who is out there waiting to come sweep that girl off her feet.
0 regrets it will all turn out beautiful in the end.

Everytime I look at you I can't help but sneak a small smile... you are way more complicated then you show the world. Way more unique then everyone gives you credit for. If you could just be yourself and show everyone who you really are then you wouldn't have the title everyone has given you at the big school we walk through everyday. Every time I bring up your name I get the same reaction. The why? or the Don't get hurt. You are more than just skin & bones and a soul full of hate. If people could get to know you more they could really uncover all of the titles and see underneath it all. All of the love you spread and the smiles you can send my way.

An intricate person I can't seem to get off my mind
As I look at you I see various things
It starts with your eyes I look in them and to me it is a mystery
Not knowing when or what you are thinking about
Hoping that you think of me
The mood of happy and the mood of angry throw me off
Little tings push me away
But somehow I find myself right back to seeing your name pop up on my phone
Somehow you are still the only guy I want to see
As I look at you and think
Why am I afraid to admit that I like you?
Is it me caring what others think, or scared to get hurt.
Or is it deep down I like the challenge and like seeing you everyday.
Your face if I would look in deeper would probably tell me you are not that bad.
And that you mean well... So why can't I just give you a chance.

I stare up at your hopeful face, waiting for that wink of hope to become fulfilment.
All of the struggles and tears I go through with you just hoping as much as you that one day that wish will come true. Knowing you deserve someone as wonderful as you and wishing that one guy could do it for you. The pain he puts you through and then the smile he can bring to your face. It tells me there is always going to be something there. There is always going to be a piece of him in your heart. As he pools in and out of your mind and through your life you will always be wondering if he is thinking about you in return. You tell me you are over him but I always know there will be a piece of him with you. Just like a piece of you will forever be in his heart to stay. Lock it up and throw the key away.